A guide to separating from a controlling husband

After months or years of being told what to do and how to think, asserting your own independence and separating from a controlling husband can be a daunting task. Controlling husbands often resort to tactics of emotional abuse that breakdown your self-esteem and confidence over time. If you are thinking of separating from your controlling husband, and aren’t sure where to start, you should consider some of the below suggestions:

1. Burst the bubble and don’t feel guilty about. If things really aren’t working, it’s ok to admit that. There is not use in putting yourself through further emotional abuse.
2. Commit to leaving. Leaving is not easy for anybody. If you are determined to leave, you will make it happen. Have an exit strategy, tell someone about it, and be ready to call 000 if things go downhill.
3. Reach out to friends and family. You do not need to do it on your own. Maintaining a support network is a great way to keep tabs on your mental health, but also to establish immediate assistance if things go sour.
4. Change your telephone number, or email. If your husband continues to be abusive after you have stopped living together, do not be afraid to change your contact details. You have every right to control who can contact you and how that contact is to occur. If you have children, you should at keep at least one line of communication open so that you can discuss any needs that arise concerning the children.
5. Work towards achieving financial independence. You should make sure that you have a bank account in your sole name, with at least some funds in there. If possible, divert your income into your sole account.
6. Talk to a professional. There are a number of services in the community available to provide counselling, welfare assessment and safety plans. Contact us for a friendly chat and we will be happy to provide you with the contact details for these organisations.
7. Contact a family law lawyer. It may be that obtaining a property settlement is the only means available for you to obtain true financial independence. We can assist you to divide the assets once and for all.
8. If you need them, use them: Domestic Violence Hotlines. For a full list of contacts, see the White Ribbon website.